Why Keeping It A Secret Is Hurtful Not Helpful

How Can Your Estate Plan Help Them If You Don’t Tell Them?

  • Do your loved ones know what to do in the event of your passing?
  • Do they know how funeral expenses are going to be paid?
  • Are you leaving them with the bill, even if you actually do have it covered?

In a previous post, we discussed why waiting until you need help when it comes to your final legal affairs is the worst move to make. In today’s post, we’re discussing why keeping it a secret is the wrong idea.

What secret? The secret of your personal affairs when it comes to estate planning, like where and if you have a will, life insurance policies that can cover funeral expenses but no one knows about it, and the list goes on.

I often say and believe that the biggest problem when it comes to estate planning is that people just don’t do it. There are many common reasons why, such as fear and lack of understanding, but another giant issue when it comes to this area is just as problematic- and that is creating a plan, but not telling anyone about it.

Here are three reasons why keeping it a secret is the wrong idea:

1. Bills fall on the family

One of the worst reasons in keeping it a secret is that your family, being left in the dark, still has to not only process how to move on in life without you, but how to manage your assets now that you can no longer do so.

This includes deciding who will get what, and without the benefit of clear instructions from a will or trust, which you may actually do but never tell them about, this can lead to family fighting, conflict, and unnecessary, but costly expenses.

Often, I see family’s still scrambling to pay the utility bills on the home by any means after their loved one (whose name it was in) passes away. However, I often warn that this is not their responsibility, although taking care of such necessities is a high priority.

Still, it can be quite time consuming and money draining for someone in the midst of grief to somehow manage to pay bills and manage affairs they are not actually responsible for. By creating a clear plan that lays out your instructions, including how to distribute funds and other property and to whom, you can avoid leaving your grief-stricken loved ones to make the decisions during the most difficult and emotional time of their life.

2. Benefits go unclaimed or delayed

In another common scenario, keeping your affairs a secret can block loved ones from receiving funds you specifically allocated to go to them upon your death.

These crucial benefits most commonly include life insurance policy funds and bank account funds. Too often, I see clients will have life insurance policies, but be unaware of the company or type of policy, and most importantly, unaware of who the beneficiary of the policy is, or in plain terms, who will get the money when they die.

This can be especially costly and time consuming when it comes to life insurance policies, because if the beneficiary is unknown, contacting the life insurance company will do little good, since they will not divulge that information without proper authority. Usually, if the beneficiary is aware that they are the beneficiary of the policy, they can contact the company and provide proof of identification and proof of death with death certificate, and the funds will be processed in a relatively short amount of time (perhaps less than one month, being generous).

However, if the beneficiary is unknown, the information will not be given without probate court paperwork naming an individual as representative of the estate, who can then act on the deceased individual’s behalf and distribute the funds. Going to court for this is not only going to cost court filing fees, but perhaps also attorney fees, estate inventory fees, and not to mention, becoming a matter of public record.

Worst of all, it costs precious, nonrenewable time! What can take less than one month with knowledge ahead of time can end up taking up to six months for valuable funds to be distributed. Funds that are specifically intended to go to a loved one in case of death! So tell someone you trust, whether it is the beneficiary or not, and give them the information of your policy. The same holds true for bank accounts.

Finally, even worse than the benefits being delayed are the benefits being unclaimed, meaning the policy never gets collected! Imagine paying into a policy every month, every year, sometimes for decades, only for the purpose never to be fulfilled- the one you were looking out for never gets the money. How sad is that? But how common is it? TOO common. In fact, so common that some states, Michigan included, have a policy search engine online to find out if any unclaimed policy is out there. I’ve spoken with clients too often who are unsure themselves about the information in their policy.

Guard that information closely and confide in someone you trust so the time, money, and effort isn’t all for nothing.

3. Burdens cause bitterness

Lastly, keeping not only your personal affairs a secret, but perhaps even the status of your health, often causes burdens on the family that can lead to bitterness.

They may be left wondering, why you didn’t tell them sooner, why did you keep it a secret, why go through all the trouble (of creating a plan) if you were not going to share it, etc.

While eventually these questions may dissipate over time and feelings will change, death is one of the greatest difficulties in life and one of the most emotionally charged periods we will ever experience.

Rather than throwing more fire into the emotional oven, quench the flames slowly and appropriately by sharing your plans with loved ones you can confide in, especially those who you plan to benefit long after you are gone. o

Of course, selecting the appropriate individuals you can trust with this information is an entirely separate issue. However, it does not negate the fact that sharing with the right people can and will help smooth over the situation. Especially since everyone doesn’t process grief in the same way, it can be extremely helpful to prepare those who may deal with it the worst ahead of time, so they have that extra time to cope instead of being dumped with such intense feelings all at once. 

Conclusion

As the scripture says, write the vision and make it plain. It doesn’t mean or say tell the vision before you write it, but to let them know about it by making it plain so they may then be able to carry it out as you wrote it.

No one can help you if you don’t tell them where and how to carry out your instructions, or if you give them no instructions to even follow.

Worst of all, in failing to tell them, you cannot help them, which may be your sole intention in even beginning the plans.

So, use wisdom. It can begin a secret, but don’t keep it a secret.

Someone is depending on you to share your vision.


Want to learn more? Check out our free, exclusive video 7 Disasters Waiting to Happen If You Don’t Take Control of Your Estate NOW!:

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